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Protecting your child from danger.

September 28, 2011 - Michael Palmer
Parents have the major task of protecting their child from danger.

Spanking, will you or not? Spare the rod and spoil the child is the old saying, but my wife and I rarely ever had to resort to a spanking and I am proud to say that in all the years of school they attended, there was only one disciplinary incident, which involved the heinous offense of burping loudly in class after eating lunch.

Should the government be allowed to dictate how we raise our children?

If the punishment or treatment is abusive, I believe so, but only in such cases where a child’s welfare, not their freedom to do whatever they darn well please is the issue.

The right of parents to direct the upbringing and education of their children has been recognized and upheld for centuries.

As a parent, I was accused by an emergency room physician of child abuse when they were very young.

Our daughter fell from the bottom stair and hit her head rather hard on the floor, she was a bit incoherent following the accident, so we went o the emergency room. She had an x-ray taken and we were shocked to learn from the doctor that her skull had been split and the injury was serious.

We followed instructions and went to our family physician the following day. He took a second x-ray and found no fractures. It turned out that the cradle they had sued to hold the child during the x-ray process had become cracked and that is what showed up on the film as a fracture.

The authorities were notified and we were investigated, even after this information was revealed.

I would have much rather gone through the investigation than actually had to deal with my child being badly hurt.

Now, I have to deal with a bipolar son-in-law who was raised by abusive parents. Not the spanking kind, but the kind who beat their children badly, lock them in their rooms, deny them food, bathroom privileges and even medical attention.

These criminals were investigated, but because they threatened their children with more abuse if they told the truth, they were never convicted of any crime. These sweet loving caretakers are now grand parents. They are the grandparents of the same two grandchildren who live with me.

The bipolar abused child desires his parents’ approval to this day above anything else on the face of the Earth. He just came back from a trip to his hometown. He went into a full blown rage after spending some quality time with Mommy and Daddy, but this morning he will for sure be on the phone apologizing and trying to regain their favor.

The problem is that he now wants the granddaughter to go down and spend time with them, “They are changed people. They are not like that any more.”

Reallly? So then by that same logic should I then call the California prison system and ask that she be left alone with Charles Manson?

I see this phenomenon all the time and cannot for the life of me understand it. I have a nephew in Newark whose mother almost completely ignored him. Letting other family members raise him while she went and lived like a single woman.

She would keep him for short periods of time to allow the welfare system to come and see he was still her child, then dump him somewhere. He desires her approval and has ruined his life living in her shadow.

He is now 19 and just got out of jail and upon his release went right back to the same people who allowed him the freedom to be bad. Supplied him with the beer, let him skip school, introduced him to their friends who live to party.

The lure of that life style is so tempting, I can understand that maybe, but going back to an abusive parent and seeking their approval, constantly kissing their rear end in an attempt to win some sort of love they never could get as a child. Ruining their own life, giving up their opportunities and sacrificing their own children to that form of abuse just to try and win some affection from a person who spent years abusing them is just beyond comprehension to me.

It is hard not to be compassionate to someone who was treated so badly, but at some point in their life I think they own the problem. It becomes their own and recognizing that seems to be an elusive concept. It is like being addicted to drugs or alcohol, if you do not break away from your friends and the drug or bar culture, you are doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

Albert Einstein said. “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

All of the experts say I have to be patient and wait for my daughter to grow tired of the drama and decide that it is in the best interest of her children to remove them from the environment of chaos, turmoil and insanity.

So, I wait and worry that the violence will escalate and one of my family members will be hurt or killed.

What can you do in this situation?

Oddly enough, our benevolent government seems to have a “don’t ask; don’t tell” policy on mental illness. They are more than willing to hand out prescription narcotics, but have no resources to get these two people any type of counseling.

I was in the office last night when he blew up and lit a fire in the township road and was running through the house with a knife.

I had to call the Sheriff to stop by and check on the welfare of my family.

This angered my daughter. She does not want her husband to go to jail. I really do not think that will resolve anything or help him either.

Has she considered: What if one of her family members has to retaliate to defend themselves or the children? Will they spend years of their life in jail because of this behavior?

He seems to be violent only towards himself at this time, but I really do not want him to kill himself either.

The choice for her may be hard, but for me it is easy. If I had a way to have his parents tried for abusing him as a child and put away in jail, I would without hesitation. I do not care if they allegedly “have changed.” Their behavior as they continue to manipulate his life and cause him continued grief displays another conclusion by my logic.

At least my daughter has resolved never to go with him back to his hometown ever again. She has realized that this environment is totally destructive to everyone involved.

Hopefully we can find this young man some help, find a person who he can turn to who will guide him down a path to fixing his life. That seems to be the only solution that will work.

I am open to suggestions… anyone have a good one?


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