Sign In | Create an Account | Welcome, . My Account | Logout | Subscribe | Submit News | Home RSS
 
 
 

The Service Call

June 5, 2009 - Michael Palmer
We are a technology society and it is an important part of our lives. I was lucky enough to get high speed internet in a rural area and truly have been spoiled by my internet speed.

Tuesday I noticed a slow down and investigated. The dedicated phone jack for the internet had quit working and my very resourceful wife simply plugged the modem into the regular telephone jack.

Hey, it worked. It was a tad slow, but we were still online. I called Verizon and began the trained poodle act for consumers. Welcome, press a number on your phone and we will reward you by moving to the next prompt. After verifying my home phone number, name and mailing address then locating my account number on my bill, I had ran out of time and left for work.

Day two, I called Verizon and began the trained poodle act for consumers. Welcome, press a number on your phone and we will reward you by moving to the next prompt. After verifying my home phone number, name and mailing address then locating my account number on my bill, I finally had arrived at the totally inefficient and obviously fiscally wasteful human being.

I had already plugged a phone into the jack and heard absolutely nothing, so we had established that this line was dead. The technician and his computer screen were unconvinced; there was a series of turning switches on and off and checking connections, which were all working just fine, because like I said the modem was plugged into the telephone line. This was very confusing to the technical support person, so I decided to play along, “WOAH!” there it goes again it’s doing it now!” I said as I reached down and unplugged the modem from the phone jack.

“Oh I see now, sir, you have a dead line, we need to get a technician out to your home.” Please hold the line I will be transferring you now,” and then….. Began the trained poodle act for consumers AGAIN. Welcome, press a number on your phone and we will reward you by moving to the next prompt. After verifying my home phone number, name and mailing address then locating my account number on my bill, AGAIN, I finally was speaking to an actual human being who heard the word internet come out of my mouth and said, Sorry you must go back to square one…………..and then….. began the trained poodle - act four.

This time the person who had the misfortune of answering the service call was hit by the full force of the unhappy 300 pound Gorilla. If you know me I have along fuse, it takes a lot to get me angry, but I was. It had been over 60 minutes over two days and still had not even got a report of trouble filed. After upsetting the English speaking operator with an in depth explanation of the unresolved issue she told me to lie - that’s right her solution to the issue was simply to lie about what was wrong with my phone service. “Do not say the word internet” she said, and then she gave me an exclusive “backdoor” number for the service operator. This will get you through directly to a live operator……….WRONG!

Sorry you must go back to square one…………..and then….. began the trained poodle - act five. Welcome, press a number on your phone and we will reward you by moving to the next prompt. After verifying my home phone number, name and mailing address then locating my account number on my bill, AGAIN, I finally was speaking to an actual human.

The telephone has a lapsed time feature that was now at 76 minutes for this phone call. “How may I help you,” I LIED, “My phone line isn’t working,” I said, “The phone I am calling you from right now does NOT work.” He bought it! Amazing, you can not get a repair scheduled for your internet, but you can get a worker to come to your house if you claim the telephone you are calling from is actually not working.

Then another recording, it offers yet another five minute vocal detour about how to fix your phone and avoid any charges for unnecessary repair calls. Then an automated voice tells me to stay home tomorrow during a specific time when the service technician will arrive, “We guarantee a service call between the hours of 8am and 8pm.” If not they will appropriately credit your bill at the industries lowest compensation value for 12 hours of lost service and personal time and inconvenience.

SO ……….. The service guy arrives, he says I am not technically allowed to do any inside work, but when he noticed the original installation had been incorrectly hooked up and took pity on my wife and fixed it right - not becasue he had to - not becasue of my phone call - but becasue he is a professional and takes pride in his work.

The corporate part of Verizon has moved from the service oriented utility to automated push button hell but their service men are still old school and want to do what is necessary to keep the customer happy.

All is well in the land of internet and caller ID thanks to the caring service men and women who toil for the corporate giants of efficient automation. Man, I hope nothing else goes wrong with my phone line - EVER!

If you liked this blog - push one now.

To read this blog in Spanish - push two and the pound key simultaneously three times in rapid succession.

If you would like me to narrate this blog with a Hindi accent - push three and the star key while hopping on one foot and rubbing your head with your right hand.

Please have all documents ready to verify your identity including an e mail of any tattoos or distinguishing scars.

 
 

Article Comments

No comments posted for this article.
 
 

Post a Comment

You must first login before you can comment.

*Your email address:
*Password:
Remember my email address.
or
 
 

 

I am looking for:
in:
News, Blogs & Events Web