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Safety is for wimps or simply: we're just happy to be alive!

September 29, 2009 - Taste Buds
Our last blog involving all the luxuries our kids have today really got our wheels turning.

We were forced to realize just how bad we had it!

In fact, we are amazed that any of us even survived to adulthood! Seriously, by today’s standards, we are all lucky to be alive.

We surely don’t blame our parents for putting us in danger, they didn’t know any better. Heck, the Consumer Product Safety Commission wasn’t established until 1972 and by that time Bud Tricia was practically in high school! Not really, but she did miss out on the flame-retardant pajamas.

Without the guidance of a federal agency, our unsuspecting parents did the best they could and we love them for that. But despite their efforts to do good, the following are examples of why we should, in fact, be dead.

We had no car seats: As infants, we rode in the laps of our mothers. By the time we were toddlers we could be found in the front seat wedged between our parents, flopping around in the back seat, or even sleeping on the floor.

We won’t even discuss the rear-facing seat at the back of the station wagon! Affectionately referred to as the “way-back” we all fought to sit there. Yep, right smack-dab in the crumple zone. That was safe! Needless to say the way-back made its way out.

Our walkers moved: That’s right, they had actual wheels and we could roll around in them all over the place. Even down the steps! What fun!

Our cribs and playpens were death traps: We could fit WAY more than two fingers between the slats of our cribs. Heck - we could fit our whole heads in there!

And there was certainly no shortage of the now taboo “soft bedding” in our cribs and playpens to keep up comfortable. Plus, there were usually many toys and stuffed animals to facilitate our escape!

Mr. Yuck: Our kitchen and bathroom cabinets didn’t have locks or safety latches. That’s right, the only thing that stood between us and certain death from ingesting harmful poisons and chemicals was a little green and black sticker with a funny face on it.

Toxic paint: Our paint was full of lead and let us tell ya we savored every one of those chips we ate. Our parents were right - what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger!

Asbestos: Our parents sent us to schools full of this toxic stuff. And we were happy to go because that’s where they kept the playgrounds with the slides that burnt your skin off in the summer and where we could scrap our knees down to the bone on the asphalt. We could only hope there were strangers with candy lurking around there!

Bike helmets: Those things were for professionals. As kids, we’d crash willy nilly all the live long day. We think it was just another way for the adults to weed out the herd. Survival of the fittest, indeed!

Toys: Jacks could be swallowed. Stretch Armstrong leaked goo. And everything but everything had parts that could come off, poke us in the eye or cause some sort of bodily harm! But, we loved them and played all day long. Who can be bored when there’s a pack of firecrackers, matches and a platoon of green, plastic army men in the toy box with a lid that can - and did - fall down on our heads periodically!

And last, but not least, our favorite toy of all was nothing but an instrument of death laying in wait: Yard Darts!

This game was the ultimate in backyard entertainment.

Groups of children attempting to throw darts into a plastic ring on the ground several yards away. Sounds like fun, right? Only these darts had actual pointed tips on them with a sharpness that rivals Ninja swords!

Imagine a bunch of 10-year-olds hopped up on Kool-Aid laced with Pixie Stiks and Pop Rocks, tossing darts up into the air as more kids run around with the plastic rings around their necks!

Yeah, good times!

Now, here’s a recipe from Carolyn Vetula of Belmont that won’t have your family throwing darts at you!


1 can chunk chicken breast

2 cans cream of celery soup

3/4 cup carrots, quartered

4 small potatoes

2 stalks celery

1 small can mushrooms

1 package Alfredo vegetables, frozen

2 prepared pie crusts

Mix all ingredients together and place in prepared pie crust and top with second crust. Brush with milk and salt lightly. Bake two hours at 350 degrees.


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Behold the "way-back." Kyrie Eleison down the road that we must travel!