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Love Tips or simply: We thought all high order Male Chauvinist Pigs had gone underground

January 14, 2010 - Taste Buds
THE BUDS are outraged!

This week, Bud Tricia opened one of the million e-mails she receives daily and found a “press release” - we’re using that term VERY loosely here - from someone named James Harris at justdontwifeher.com.

Being the fair and open minded journalist that she is, Bud T read the release and immediately lost her lunch.

The release was titled “From Looking Their Best To Looking Like The Rest” and reported to give men “tips” on how to keep the women in their lives in top condition.

Now, this guy wasn’t interested in helping men get their partners to lower their cholesterol, go for that mammogram or even have their blood pressure checked. He wasn’t interested in how to boost a lady’s self-esteem or confidence because it would be best for HER.

Nope, this guy simply was giving advice on how to keep women looking good and being deemed “worthy” to be on some man’s arm because we all know it is better to LOOK good than to FEEL good.

Some of his sage advice follows because, frankly, we think you have to actually READ it for yourselves.

And we quote:

“Jennifer Garner sure garnered attention when she was caught wearing hole ridden granny drawers.

Remember Jessica Simpson? Tony Romo split when she got too thick!

So many of you have a beautiful girlfriend and then - they get comfortable. Countless women go from looking their best to looking just like the rest. Fellas we know you can relate. Why does this happen? What can guys do to keep their girlfriends, fiances and wives as pretty as the day they met them?

Here are a few tips:

1) Women love compliments. If she asks you about a raggedy outfit. Be honest. Once you start accepting granny panties and sweatshirts when she is not working out, you will get this 24/7.

2) If she wears something hot, let her know right then and there. Say something like “You look great. Will you look this good for me every day?”, then you go ahead and throw in a kiss, a hug, a booty pat, a neck nuzzle etc. This way, you are warning her but you are not coming off as harsh. But she will think about it before she throws a Tastykake in her mouth.

3) Suggest that she wears your favorite outfit. Tell her you really like the way she looks (whatever body part you love the most). How hot she looks in it.

4) Hair is another issue. So many times women will try to do something new like change their hair without saying a word to you. Be vocal about how you like it. If you love brunette and she goes blonde on you, be honest when she asks you how you like it. We know, it sounds scary but what if she comes back with her hair Hot Pink. What will you do then?

5) Keeping in shape is another obstacle, especially after kids. Fellas, lets be honest here. Sometimes you too let the fat kid win. Encourage your mate to work out by putting down the beer and working out with her. It works a whole lot better than looking at her with your face set on disgusted. Remember its not just your average girl it happens to the most beautiful women in Hollywood as well. Right Jennifer? Okay, maybe she’s out looking for some underwear. We will let you know when she responds. In the meantime - If you have any advice or stories of how your perfect ten turned into a deuce piece, with two stomachs let us know.

End quote!

Whaaaaat!

While all these “tips” are mind-boggling, our favorite by far is No. 2.

Yeah, all the women we know love being “warned” without being too “harsh” about their weight.

Rest assured, the first time either of our partners gave us a “warning” about our weight would be the last. Hey, they gotta sleep sometime.

And, what about his comment concerning gaining weight after having kids.

We don’t know of a woman alive who hasn’t struggled with that one but to have a man suggest there’s something wrong with a women who can’t drop the pounds and get back into pre-baby shape in the blink of an eye is absurd! How does he think she got into that position? We believe a MAN was involved somewhere along the line! We think he should carry another HUMAN BEING around inside his body and see if his waistline pops right back where it used to be!

We can’t believe this website isn’t the hottest thing going! They’ve set human evolution back about a million years! Frankly, we didn’t think these types of people even existed anymore but apparently he is not alone - there’s an entire website devoted to them!

Now, the Buds don’t have any recipes for Tastykakes but we suggest everyone make the following Cake Roll from Bev McLeish of St. Clairsville. Then eat it with your mate. We’ll bet the only “warning” coming from them would be a caution against losing the recipe!

Cake Roll

1 package devil’s food cake mix

1/2 gallon ice cream.

Prepare cake mix as directed. Bake in two well greased 14 1/2 x 10 1/2 inch pans at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes. Turn hot cakes onto two towels sprinkled with powdered sugar. Roll immediately and let set for 5 minutes. Unroll and spoon soft ice cream 1/2 inch thick. Roll carefully. Wrap in foil and freeze for 2 hours before using. Remove and slice.

The Buds can be reached at tastebuds@timesleaderonline.com.

 
 

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