×

Super hero and the glass box

SUPERMAN HAS met his match and it doesn’t have a thing to do with Kryptonite! Well, ok, maybe it wasn’t really Superman. Maybe it was just ol’ Super Raymond. This local “super hero” was nearly done in by the summer heat, a few pieces of glass and some rusty hinges.

My friend Raymond recently was the lucky (or so he thought) recipient of an old phone booth. It was really meant to be a gag gift but since Raymond likes old things he was happy to have the monstrosity.

Raymond instantly began thinking about the ways he would use or display the glass-enclosed booth…maybe as a large mailbox? How about a greenhouse? The ideas went on and on, yet he remained indecisive.

However, on a recent 90+ degree sunny day the old boy decided to give his little gift some sprucing up.

He grabbed the paper towels and extra strength window cleaner and headed out the door to give his little gift a spit shine!

Now, as I continue with this little story what you need to do is keep in mind that this four-sided glass box is setting in the middle of Raymond’s yard without a tree in sight. It is, for all general purposes, a glass enclosed oven.

Well, ol’ Super Raymond cleans the outside of the glass enclosure first without any problems. Heck! There’s barely a streak on the glass.

So, being the brave super hero that he is…Raymond decides to conquer the inside of his gift.

As he tells the story it went something like this: Polish up the left panel of glass. Check! Shine the back panel. Check!. Right panel is sparkling. Check! Move on to the bi-fold door….now wait a minute! In order to clean that door, it had to be closed. So Raymond does just that and instantly realizes the old rusty door hinges sticks. Yep, the hinges stick so badly that our super hero is encased in glass oven on a hot sunny day in the middle of an open field. Now that means trouble with a capital “T” for anybody unless you are a super hero, right? Nope.

Those good old rusty hinges suddenly have become Super Raymond’s Kryptonite. He absolutely cannot get them to move.

With each attempt to free himself the temperature inside his “gift” goes up a degree or two.

He can’t get out. He is stuck in a glass coffin!

Unfortunately, Super Raymond had apparently sent his red cape out to the dry cleaners because it was nowhere to be found. The superhero costume that he wore that day apparently had no pockets so he didn’t even have his trusty cellphone with him! He couldn’t call Lois Lane if he wanted to.

The only thing he could find was sunshine and glass. We all know what happens when there is tons of sun and your inside a glass box. You get hot. You sweat. And then you get even hotter. You sweat some more until you get so hot that you think your brain is getting fried.

That’s exactly what happened to my super friend.

That old sun had no mercy on Super Raymond. It just stayed hot. It kept beating down onto his cute gag gift which was taking on a resemblance of a “hot day in hell.”

Yet, Super Raymond didn’t panic. Nope, our super hero keeps his “cool.”

He begins to think that perhaps he can wiggle and jiggle the door just right and it will eventually cooperate and release him into the welcome relief of temperatures in the mid-90s. After all, the temperature inside that phone booth is probably, in Raymond’s opinion, nearing the 125+ range.

Yet, in spite of his best “wiggles” and “jiggles” Raymond remains imprisoned in the glass cell.

Beads of perspiration are now forming on Super Raymond’s forehead. The little beads of sweat are dripping into his eyes. They suddenly become rivers and are rushing down his back. His face is the color of his missing red cape.

“What am I going to do?” Super Raymond asks himself. “Am I going to die in my gift? Am I going to be defeated by Mother Nature and Mr. Sunshine?”

As he continues to contemplate his fate, Super Raymond hears a tractor in the near distance.

Seeing his old buddy and neighbor Farmer Tom across the road baling hay, Super Raymond believes he will soon be saved.

When Tom rounds the turn in the field, Super Raymond waves frantically. Always polite (because that is how his momma raised him), Farmer Tom waves back.

Putt, putt, putt….the friendly farmer continues around the field.

On the second pass…our captured super hero again attempts to relay the importance of the situation to the friendly Farmer Tom. Again, nothing but a wave in response.

This little game continues for several laps around the field until Super Raymond truly believes he has been defeated.

And just as he is about to hang his head in defeat, good citizen Dale drives up Super Raymond’s drive way.

Realizing that the ol’ super hero is in a quandary, Dale leaps from his vehicle and rushes to the phone booth and asks with the utmost concern, “Are you calling someone or just changing your clothes?”

Super Raymond uses some choice words in response to Dale’s question but soon is all thanks after the door is opened by our new super hero.

Just after Raymond escapes certain death, Farmer Tom makes another lap around the field and politely waves to the new Dynamic Duo unaware that he nearly was part of Super Raymond’s demise!

(Rumor has it that a secret pocket has been sewn into Super Raymond’s red tights big enough to hold a quarter…just in case rusty hinges once again try to bring an end to his super hero life!)

Sedgmer may be reached at ksedgmer@timesleaderonline.com

Newsletter

Today's breaking news and more in your inbox

I'm interested in (please check all that apply)
Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *

Starting at $4.73/week.

Subscribe Today