October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This time every year I write about this topic because it is so near and dear to my heart. I explain the different types of domestic abuse and where you can seek help for yourself or others. This year I will give some information but would like to give a sort of questionnaire or test, to make you think about this topic in a different light.

First we will start with the information that I usually explain in depth. The abbreviated version is this — Every nine seconds in the United States a women is assaulted or beaten. On a typical day domestic violence hotlines nationwide receive approximately 20,800 calls. The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500 percent. Only 34 percent of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries. The five types of domestic abuse are emotional, physical, sexual, social and financial. The economic effects of domestic violence include: Victims of domestic violence lose a total of 8 million days of paid work each year. The cost of domestic violence exceeds $8.3 billion annually. Between 21 and 60 percent of victims lose their jobs due to reasons stemming from the abuse. Between 2003 and 2008, 142 women were murdered in their workplace by former or current intimate partners. This amounts to 22 percent of workplace homicides among women. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” They use fear, guilt, shame and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb.

Now for the quiz — this is not a test that you want to ace. If you feel like you may be in an abusive situation, you can answer the following questions. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

(Your inner Thoughts and Feelings) Do you: Feel afraid of your partner much of the time? Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? Feel emotionally numb or helpless?

(Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior) Does your partner: Humiliate or yell at you? Criticize you and put you down? Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your family and friends to see? Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? Blame you for their own abusive behavior? See you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

(Your Partner’s Violent  Behavior or Threats) Does your partner: Have a bad and unpredictable temper? Hurt you or threaten to hurt or kill you? Threaten to take your children away or harm them? Force you to have sex? Destroy your belongings?

(Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior) Does your partner: Act excessively jealous and possessive? Control where you go or what you do? Keep you from seeing your friends or family? Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? Constantly check up on you?

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. It can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain. Your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive.

As I looked over the above questions, I found myself answering yes, yes, yes regarding my past relationships. My abuse began as a child at home and continued on through two failed marriages before I realized that abuse is never “the norm.”

Please, if you are living in an abusive situation, seek help now. We have wonderful, local agencies ready to help you. Don’t waste another second of your life. You deserve so much better than living in domestic violence. The Tri-County Help Center in St. Clairsville helped me heal and begin a new life I once thought was not possible. Its number is 740-695-5441. We also have Harmony House in Belmont County; its number is 740-695-0812. The YWCA in Wheeling has a violence prevention program. Other numbers you can use are National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 and the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network’s at 800-656-4673.

Let me leave you with a quote from Frank Tyger, editorial cartoonist and columnist: “Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you.”