Memorial Day last weekend made me think about those who gave up their lives for our freedom. I also thought about my Dad, a U.S. Marine who fought in the Pacific during WWII. As kids, Dad told us a little about some of the battles he was in. The Marines gave him books with photos of those battles. I wish I had asked Dad what he was thinking while in the landing craft heading to the beach at Tarawa.

Dad knew he would have to wade ashore under heavy enemy fire with no cover. Dad was in the second wave of Marines to hit the beach. He stepped over and around dead Marines, some were his friends. Once on the beach, the Marines had to fight their way inland sometimes with hand to hand combat. The stakes were high. If you lose you die. It is hard to imagine all he experienced. Dad never spoke about combat. Years later he still had nightmares. In the middle of the night he would start kicking and Mom would jump out of bed. Dad was fortunate. He came home. Other soldiers weren’t as lucky. Because of their sacrifices we are free. Freedom is never free. We still have to do our part so our children and grandchildren can enjoy the freedoms we have.

June is the month of weddings. Lynnda and I were married in June 48 years ago. U.S. statistics show 50% of marriages end in divorce. Most of those are in the first 7 years. My good friend, author, entertainer and Hall of Fame Speaker, Dr. Willie Jolley has been married to his wife Dee for 40 years. Willie and Dee haven’t had an argument in over 35 years. They are authors of the book Make Love, Make Money, Make it Last. In their recent TEDX talk How to Never Argue in Marriage Again Willie states, “Of the 50% of marriages that don’t end in divorce, 40% of the couples are miserable but stay together for various reasons like children or they can’t afford to divorce.” If you are part of the 40%, don’t stay miserable. Here are 10 Points Dee and Willie recommend for a great marriage;

∫ Friends First. It’s hard to have a long relationship with someone you don’t like. Lots of couples experienced that when in lockdown during the pandemic. Lynnda and I enjoyed our time together during lockdown.

∫ Make God an equal part of your marriage.

∫ Decide to make it last! Love is an emotion. Marriage is a decision. I’ve heard couples say, “We’re going to try.” Yoda in Star Wars Episode V tells Luke Skywalker, “There is no try. Do or do not.” Decide you are going to do whatever it takes to make it last.

∫ Leave the drama with your mama! Never stir up emotions to create confusion.

∫ Agree on how you will disagree when challenging situations arise.

∫ Learn how to manage a stalemate. Decide on your strategy to break a tie before you need it.

∫ Sex, headaches and other lies. Learn the truth about sex versus intimacy.

∫ Always date your mate. Dating shouldn’t end with marriage. Willie and Dee recommend a weekly date night. Put it on the calendar as a priority. Sometimes our date night is going outside to our fire pit. No TV. No phone calls. Maybe a little wine. We just talk. Sometimes for hours.

∫ Count the costs. Money matters. Marriage isn’t just a love relationship, it is a business relationship as well.

∫ Communicate. Talk to each other and listen to each other.

The Jolley’s have found there three major reasons why marriages fail. They are money, sex and communication. Communication is the most important. Good communication many times can resolve money and sexual problems. Here are their thoughts on effective communication;

∫ Develop your listening skills and listen more than you speak.

∫ Study your spouse. Learn their body language.

∫ It’s not just what you say it’s how you say it. Tone of voice is important. Agree on the tone of voice you will use.

∫ Create a safe place to communicate.

∫ Never talk over each other. (You can’t hear what is said if you are talking all the time.)

∫ Be open and honest in conversations. Lynnda and I don’t believe in lying about anything.

∫ Your spouse isn’t a mind reader. Don’t assume they know what you are feeling or thinking. Tell them.

We can’t cover everything here. More information is available at www.AJolleyMarriage.com Willie and Dee host The Jolley Marriage Show every Monday at 9 PM on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Great show. They discuss problems married couples routinely face.

Learn to compromise. Lynnda and I don’t always agree on room color for paint, TV channel to watch or which restaurant to go to. We have learned to think win-win and compromise.

In founding our country one of the big disputes was how many representatives each state would have in Congress. The big states wanted it to be based on population. States with more people would have more representatives. The small states wanted every state to have equal representation. It almost broke up the fragile union that had won independence from the British.

They compromised by having two houses. The Senate has two representatives from each state. In the House of Representatives, the number of representatives each state has is based on population.

Compromise and communication are important in business. On any issue a compromise agreement is always easier to get from people in the middle. People on the extremes of any issue rarely agree. They blame each other for disagreement. If Lynnda and I couldn’t compromise we wouldn’t go out to eat. We would probably have daily fights over things as stupid as the channel changer. We understand how important it is to think win-win instead of win-lose. What if Congress began to think win-win? Imagine the progress they could make on our country’s problems.

Greg Kozera, gkozera@shalecrescentusa.com, is the director of marketing and sales for Shale Crescent USA, www.shalecrescentusa.com. He is a professional engineer with a master’s in environmental engineering and over 40 years’ experience in the energy industry. He is a professional speaker and author of four books and numerous published articles.