It was the week before Valentine’s Day. Lynnda and I were at the mall pre-pandemic. One of the jewelry stores was having a diamond sale. We went in and found a necklace Lynnda liked. It was very affordable. All the salesman had to do was smile and take my credit card. Bradley, my 11-year-old neighbor, could have made the sale. The salesman was a jerk. He ignored Lynnda, who would be wearing the necklace. Lynnda walked out saying, “If you buy it, I won’t wear it.” I looked at the salesman, “Sorry, you heard the lady.” We bought at another jewelry store.

Jeffrey Gitomer, Hall of Fame professional speaker, national sales expert, author of “The Little Red Book of Selling” and numerous other books teaches, “If they know you, like you and trust you, they may buy from you.” “All things being equal, people like to do business with their friends. All things not being equal, people still like to do business with their friends.” Apparently, our salesman at the mall never read any of Jeffrey’s books. We wanted the jewelry. The price was right. Lynnda didn’t like the salesman and that killed the sale.

Person to person contact may seem to be a thing of the past. Without it many purchases can become commoditized. I call Lynnda “The Amazon Queen.” She learned during the pandemic almost anything can be purchased on Amazon. Gitomer’s quote is still true. Lynnda knows, likes and trusts Amazon. She can easily return what doesn’t fit or isn’t what she wants. We are besieged with calls from telemarketers. Unless it is someone or an organization we know, we don’t accept the call. We don’t buy from or donate to organizations using telemarketers, including political callers we don’t know. If we don’t know the caller, can they be trusted?

Shale Crescent USA is going to Germany in mid-March. SCUSA is doing a one-day event and has one- on-one meetings with companies. We are having weekly calls with the U.S. Commerce Department and other organizations to set up and prepare for the event. We learned the Germans prefer in-person to on-line meetings. Their biggest business concerns are increasing sales and being profitable. In our event agenda we were told to shorten our presentations to leave more time for networking. Our presentations must help the Germans to know, like and trust us. One meeting planner said Germans love to network. They typically have to ask people to leave after networking. Germans want to know, like and trust people before doing business with them. Maybe they read Gitomer’s books.

Sales isn’t just limited to business. Before Lynnda would go out with me almost 50 years ago she had to know and like me. She had to trust me enough to say “yes” to a first date. With social media available people routinely check out a potential date on line. I must admit, my initial attraction to Lynnda was physical. When we met in person I liked her personality. She was fun to be around. As I got to know her, I felt she was someone I could trust. People make decisions based on emotions especially when it comes to relationships. We call them heart decisions. Then we justify our decisions with logic. Our emotions can betray us when we realize someone isn’t the kind of person we thought they were. Lynnda and I are different even opposites in many ways. One thing we have in common are our values.

We are constantly “selling” our ideas, beliefs and values to others including our loved ones. We want our children to have a relationship with God. We took them to church. They went to Sunday school. Most important Lynnda and I have to live the values we hear about in church. We can’t just talk. Our children and grandchildren need to see our example if we expect them to trust us and accept our values.

When I came home from college in the 1970s, Dad and I had some lively discussions. In the 1970s a lot of traditional values were questioned. I always liked my Dad. At this point in my life I didn’t trust his traditional values. I thought he was old fashioned and hadn’t kept up with the times.

Dad lived his values. He set an example for our us. When I was a college senior preparing to go out into the world, I was amazed how smart Dad had become. I knew I could trust his wisdom.

We are constantly being told how and what we should think by the media and on line. Before we “buy” the ideas or beliefs we are hearing, we should ask ourselves: How well do I know this person? Do they walk what they talk? Are they setting an example based on their words? Are they likeable? Do their values match mine? Do they care about me, my family and friends or are they self-centered? Can I trust the information they are sharing? Where did their information come from? What is their experience? Do they have any idea what life is like outside of New York, LA or Washington, DC? Do they have common sense?

We tend to reflect the attitude and ideas of those we associate with. I like to associate with people who are positive, happy and trustworthy.

A lot of commentators on TV or radio seem to be unhappy people. Some columnists write like they are unhappy, angry and frustrated. We all get that way sometimes. I don’t trust the ideas or “facts” of someone who is always negative and unhappy.

In business and in our relationships if we want to be successful selling products, ideas or ourselves remember the words of Jeffrey Gitomer, If they know you, like you and trust you, they may buy from you. This is the beginning of all positive relationships. Have a Happy Valentine’s Day.

Greg Kozera, gkozera@shalecrescentusa.com, is the director of marketing and sales for Shale Crescent USA, www.shalecrescentusa.com. He is a professional engineer with a master’s in environmental engineering and over 40 years’ experience in the energy industry. He is a professional speaker and author of four books and numerous published articles.