Habit Number 5 in Steven Covey’s book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood.

Living by this principal can be life changing. Almost half of marriages in the USA end in divorce. In their book “Make Love, Make Money, Make it Last” Dr. Willie Jolley and his wife Dee state, “The top three factors that break up marriages are Sex, Money and Communication. Note that COMMUNICAION is the common thread!”

Listening is essential for effective communication. Listening is hard because most people want to be heard. Have you ever caught yourself thinking of what you are going to say and have no idea what the other person just said?

Covey suggests we should do more listening and less speaking. We need to understand what the other person is saying and why before we can expect them to listen and understand us. We need to ask questions, then listen to their response. Communication can be complicated. A sincere desire to understand another without trying to “fix” them can make it easier.

Arguments like we see on TV with people shouting at each other are a waste of time. Nothing is ever resolved. No one is listening. Hurtful things said without thinking during an argument can destroy a relationship. I’ve watched two people shouting at each other until I got them shut up then explained, “Do you realize you are both saying the same thing. You can’t even hear each other because you are shouting.” They were embarrassed. It takes at least two to argue.

If I’m involved in a potential argument, I shut up until we can have a discussion. My comment is, “If we can’t have a productive discussion now, let’s talk later. I’m done ’til then.”

Early in our marriage, when I got home from work if Lynnda had a rough day, she wanted to talk. The engineer in me wanted to fix her problems. That’s not what she wanted.

Lynnda just wanted to be heard and understood. She wanted empathy not fixed. If she wanted my opinion she would ask. When I learned to listen and sought to understand her challenges, our relationship got better.

Every day we get bombarded by emails and calls from telemarketers trying to sell us something. They have no idea who we are or what our needs are.

These people just want to sell us something or get money for a cause. They don’t care about our needs. Sales people can get excited about their stuff and want to tell us all about it. They don’t understand, success comes from first understanding the needs and wants of their prospects. As a professional speaker one of the first things we learn is; It is all about the audience. Not us or our message. The audience doesn’t care about our message unless it has meaning to them. They care about themselves. The better we understand the audience (Which can be family, friends and customers) the more successful we will be. I had to learn to take the focus off myself and my message and focus on the audience and their needs.

Last week Nathan (Shale Crescent USA President), Lynnda (My wife & group photographer) and I were in Germany on the Shale Crescent USA Manufacturing Trade Mission through the U.S. Commercial Services, part of the Commerce Department. We worked with all three states (OH, PA & WV) and Commercial Services for months, planning and inviting companies and organizations like German Manufacturers to attend. We had a good turnout of diverse companies, trade and financial organizations. We couldn’t have handled many more attendees with the staff we had. Nathan and I presented and told the SCUSA region story followed by a panel discussion that included a U.S. Commercial Services representative and Stockmeier, a German company who came to West Virginia over 15 years ago. They told the attendees why they came to the USA and West Virginia and why they stay.

Our attendees;

∫ Saw a new model on how German manufacturers can invest in the U.S. market while supporting European-based operations.

∫ Learned how companies located in the Shale Crescent USA lowered their carbon footprint and costs.

∫ Received a new report: A New Opportunity for European Energy-Intensive Manufacturers- What has changed.

∫ Learned from the Department of Commerce/Select USA how the U.S. Government can assist companies looking to invest and expand in the USA.

The day before the event was spent with two companies and a trade association, Plastics Europe seeking to understand the challenges European companies are facing.

We spent more time listening instead of telling the SCUSA story. The Plastics Europe Executive showed us global plastics demand is expected to double or triple by 2040 fueled by global population growth and making products like EVs lighter. In 2017 an EV was 70% plastics. Today it is over 90%. The problem for European plastic companies, by 2040 they can’t have use fossil fuel feedstock for their products. I asked the Executive, “How can you do this?” his dejected response, “I have no idea.” German companies must meet not just German regulations but European Union regulations.

As a result of what we learned, much of the discussion at our event was how Germany and the USA can collaborate helping both counties. EU regulators don’t understand, their 2040 regulations will hurt, not help the environment. When German industry is forced to close, production will likely go to China and other parts of Asia with weak or no environmental regulations compared to the EU and use Middle Eastern and Russian fracked oil and gas for feedstock.

Seeking first to understand then to be understood is important in our personal relationships and in business, especially sales. Government isn’t exempt. Regulators can do more harm than good if they fail to seek first to understand their people’s needs and the global impact of their regulations.

Greg Kozera, gkozera@shalecrescentusa.com, is the director of marketing and sales for Shale Crescent USA, www.shalecrescentusa.com. He is a professional engineer with a master’s in environmental engineering and over 40 years’ experience in the energy industry. He is a professional speaker and author of four books and numerous published articles.