Recently, I had a conversation with a friend from India.

Shale Crescent USA is working with his company now for over seven years. They expanded to the Ohio Valley and have already created hundreds of construction jobs. They will be operational in the near future. I asked, “What has been the biggest challenge?” He responded, “Communication. Poor communication has delayed the project months and cost the company a lot of money.”

Their biggest problem wasn’t technical or construction related. It was human beings who couldn’t effectively convey their idea or message to others. My friend said surprisingly few of the communication problems were cultural. They are common to all businesses. My friend’s company found ways to solve their communication problems. What they learned can help other people and companies. He wants to share what they learned. Together we will share their ideas and successes in future articles with the goal of helping others. Effective communication is essential for good leadership.

Communication is a challenge people have in relationships, especially marriage. We are always communicating, verbally or nonverbally. Most communication is actually nonverbal, body language like facial expressions. At an outing a few years ago, I recall one young man spending most of the day on the phone. When on the phone he was shouting at the person on the other end. I asked someone what was going on and was told he was talking to his girlfriend. I learned they broke up. Things settled down by evening.

Later in the week Lynnda got a call. “Have you seen Facebook. They’re engaged.”

The young man and his girlfriend not only got back together, they announced their engagement. We were shocked. Lynnda and I have been married almost 50 years. We learned early on, shouting destroys communication because neither party is listening. Good communication is essential in a marriage. The couple got married. Their short marriage ended in an ugly and expensive divorce. Being an effective communicator is something everyone can learn.

Our friends, Dr. Willie and Dee Jolley besides the things they do in business, professional speaking and as authors are also marriage mentors. They have been married almost 40 years and haven’t had an argument in over 36 years. Willie and Dee have literally written the book on marriage, “Make Love, Make Money, Make It Last, 10 Secrets to Shape a Great Marriage.” They say the three pressure points in a marriage are: Sex, Money and Communication. Most important is communication because effective communication can resolve sex and money issues.

Dr. Willie Jolly says, “Communication in marriage, is like oil in your automobile engine, it can be messy to handle, but without it your engine will run poorly and eventually locks up! So, keep talking.” In the book they discuss some behaviors to avoid that hurt communication like;

Stonewalling, withholding information from the other and telling half-truths.

Silent treatment, shutting down all communication and hoping your spouse figures it out.

Contempt, having a lack of respect for your spouse.

Nagging, constant complaints or constantly finding fault.

Stamp collecting, someone doesn’t say what is bothering them at the moment it happens and holds it in. The animosity builds up over time and all comes out at once in an argument.

Defensiveness, being extremely sensitive to criticism and responding in a hostile manner.

Making assumptions, not telling a spouse what the problem is and hoping they will figure it out. People are not mind readers.

The book goes into detail on these and other behaviors. It is available at www.williejolley.com. Willie and Dee have a passion to help couples have better marriages. On their website they give away Chapter 4, the Communication Chapter, for free. Check it out.

Trust is essential for effective communication. We need to be people of integrity. Integrity is telling the truth, being honest and worthy of trust. A lack of trust destroys relationships. Integrity is more than telling the truth. Integrity is doing what we say we will do. It is meeting our commitments and being someone dependable who can be counted on. If we promise to perform a task as simple as picking something up on the way home from work, do it. When we planned a vacation or event the family knew it would happen because Lynnda and I committed to it.

Respect is critical for effective communication. We should treat everyone with human dignity and respect especially our spouse. One way to do this is to never criticize our spouse publicly. Criticism, negative actions or personality traits are for private conversations between spouses. Never share anything publicly that will degrade or make your spouse look foolish. Praise, positive actions and attributes can be shared publicly. We should be encouragers especially to our spouse.

Lynnda doesn’t have the years of experience I have working trade shows and conventions. She is a fast learner and is good at engaging people. At SelectUSA and on Shale Crescent USA’s recent U.S. Commercial Services Roadshow to Europe, Lynnda stayed at the Shale Crescent USA exhibition booth while Nathan, Shale Crescent USA President, and I had one on one meetings and did networking. Our exhibit was never unmanned. Her skills generated foreign prospects that would have been lost. I am proud of her accomplishments and happy to share them with others.

People are busy with work or other activities. Our world is filled with distractions. Spouses need to make private time for each other. This is a good time to catch up, share ideas or dreams. Willie and Dee recommend a weekly date night. Lynnda and I sit on the porch or go outside to our firepit where there is no TV or other distractions except for an occasional deer walking through the yard. We talk about anything and everything. The firepit is relaxing and creates an atmosphere for good communication between us. The challenges in business communication are similar to those in a marriage. More to come in weeks ahead on this. Thoughts to ponder.